Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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