real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
