Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
