I like to think it a success when the cops are called
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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