Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
