Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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