It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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