He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
