I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
