I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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