Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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