I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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