Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize