Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
