capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
