1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
