Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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