i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize