I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
