I think my fart just growled at me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
