am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You can't special order awesome
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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