when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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