How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
