Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize