there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
