if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
