I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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