When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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