So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And then he peed in my hair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
