There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
