It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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