HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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