Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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