If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
