the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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