You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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