I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
