Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
