By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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