My hand turned me down
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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