I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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