Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
