i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
