using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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