get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
