Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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