The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
