New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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