i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
