she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
