I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
