i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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