ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
