I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
