i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
