Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you never un-have a 4some
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
