She just used a chaser for red wine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
