I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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