I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
