If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
