Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
