I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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