oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
