this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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