My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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