Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize