Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize