His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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