Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
4 words: hood of his car
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
