Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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