Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize