I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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