Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
