It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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