Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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