Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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